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Here is Cydcor's review of That's Not What I Meant: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships by Deborah Tannen.

About That’s Not What I Meant: The book explains the old saying “It’s not what you say, but how you say it that counts” with a revolutionary thought process about how words and their tones can make or break relationships.

Tannen looks to demonstrate how something very small and insignificant can turn an entire conversation upside down, bringing the opposite result of what was expected. Between family, co-workers, friends or partners, she shows how everything from how our body language, hand gestures and tone can bring successful communication with those around us.

Cydcor recommends this book to future leaders because:

The author looks to have those be aware of how they habitually communicate, and the reasons behind why they communicate in such ways and what to look for to correct them. A poor communication style can break a professional relationship, so it’s relevant to leaders to have each piece of communication broken down and to explain how it effects others. Tannen does a terrific job of providing clear, understandable information in an entertaining tone.

Our favorite part:

Tannen helps us understand how we don't just pay attention to the words spoken: in fact, we pay less attention to the message than what she calls the "metamessage": the implied and inferred meanings that each utterance evokes.

An example provided is the question, "Does this dress make me look fat?", as there is no right "yes" or "no" answer, as the question is not about the affect a particular garment has on one's appearance.

The real question, what Tannen calls “metamessages, is about whether the listener still finds the questioner attractive. Miss the real question, and conflict follows.

The following is Cydcor's review of The Good Listener: Better Relationships through Better Communication by Hugh Mackay.

About The Good Listener: Now in its second edition, the Good Listener is a guide to communication within relationships by social researcher Hugh Mackay.  Originally published as “Why don’t people listen?” the book discusses communication and why it is difficult for most people to properly communicate ideas to others.

One of the more interesting ways that Mackay teaches communication skills is by creating a fictional, and rather dysfunctional, family.  As Mackay explains it, “most of us learn about communication from our families,” and by illustrating communication problems through the issues of a single family the reader will hopefully retain the lessons more completely.

Cydcor recommends this book to future leaders because:  Communication is one of the most important skills for a leader to learn.   Not only does clear communication help leaders to motivate and inspire their people, but it also helps organizations to promote discipline and strategic alignment.  The very best leaders are good communicators and many otherwise excellent companies struggle based on communication issues within their leadership.

Mackay does an excellent job of explaining why listening is important to improving relationships, and provides practical advice on how to listen and resolve conflicts through communication.

Our favorite part: Our favorite passage appears rather early in the book and sets up the entire premise for Mackay’s thesis:

“The real mystery is why, when we are so keen to communicate, we so consistently fail to take into account what our experience should have taught us at a very early age: the fact that, generally speaking, people only pay close attention to things which directly concern them- things which are relevant to their own situation, their own needs, their own interests- and, even when they do listen, they will be listening to everything in their own way.”

Mackay goes on to explain that people are not blank slates on which we can write our messages, rather every person has their own mechanism for viewing the world.  Everyone sees the world very differently, and because of this we often communicate in a way that makes sense for us but not to others.   It’s an eye-opening look at why communication fails, and how it can be repaired.

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Cydcor is a leading outsourced sales company. We specialize in dealing with people and convincing them we have the right product or service for them. While Cydcor knows the best way to win customer loyalty is to always do the right thing for the customer, new prospects are often suspicious of sales representatives. Beginning new customer relationships takes effective communication to help your prospect feel comfortable around you. Here are some tips for building an effective customer relationship from the very beginning.

DO:

Be upfront about who you are representing. Start the conversation with “Hello, my name is _______ and I am here to tell you about ________ company, offering you a great service.” Also add in details about the service or product that will pique interest, such as money saving deals or upgraded features.

Take an active interest in the customer’s needs. Know why you are selling your product and why you customer should want it. Be sensitive to new customers’ current challenges and see if you have something that will make their lives easier.

Assure them that they are getting the best you can possibly offer. New customers like to feel like they are getting special treatment, that because of their interaction with you they are getting something no one else has access to. You can do that by offering exactly what they want, as long as it is within the boundaries of possibility.

DO NOT:

Be pushy. If someone says no it is okay to offer one or two more pieces of information that may change someone’s mind, but it is important not to push customers too hard, or not only will you lose them, but they may get annoyed and tell others.

Lie. Do not tell customers you can give them something that doesn’t exist, or twist the facts around so that they will be disappointed. There is a fine line between emphasizing the positive and just making things up.

Get emotional. Stressing too much or getting upset when someone says no will give you a reputation for being unprofessional. Always be kind, courteous and gracious.

Title: Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

Author: Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler

Review by: Gary Polson, CEO

Description of the book: How do you approach a touchy, but important, subject with someone at home or at work without damaging the relationship?

This has always been a challenge for me, and for most people I know. Because we are afraid the conversation will damage the relationship we tend to avoid it or dance around the issue, which in the long-term is more damaging.

Why should you read this? People need to learn how to communicate efficiently and productively. An effective conversation starts with first understanding what you are trying to accomplish with the conversation. Do you want to show who is boss? Win an argument? Shame them? Defend yourself? Dump your uncertainty, anxiety on them?

My favorite part: The objectives of crucial conversations are to:

(1) Get facts
(2) Learn
(3) Build the relationship
(4) Get a productive result

If I focus on this and not on any emotions, anxieties, etc., it will go well. I try to avoid these conversations when I am upset or have strong emotions. It makes it about me rather than the four objectives. Is it a good time for them? I try not to be the coach to yell at the kids in the outfield to “keep your eye on the ball” right after they drop it. They are too embarrassed and self-shaming to listen to coaching at that time.

Timing is important.

The basic outline that often works is a 3-step approach.
1.Give the facts (no one can dispute real facts)
2.I wonder… (express your concern)
3.“How do you see it” (get their perspective)

I start with the belief that I do not know. I just have a hunch. Also, I try not to be accusatory and have a calm tone. “Why would an intelligent, reasonable person do this” is a good mindset.

“Joe, I observed when you were talking to Cindy that you interrupted her three times in the conversation; I noticed you interrupted Juan twice when he gave his side of the story. I am wondering if interrupting people is a reason you are struggling building your team. What is your perspective?”

Then LISTEN.

Categor(y)(ies): Development, Corporate Culture